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  • Janelle Batts

Dating My Husband- How The Mundane Becomes Romance

Last weekend, my husband and I did something that we rarely have the pleasure of doing. We did nothing. We went on a date and did nothing. We went away for a single night, tucked into a cozy, seventy year old carriage house and did nothing. We had uninterrupted conversations. We indulged in unfettered, glorious meals. We communicated with few words. We laughed at each other's jokes. We slept. We woke up. We smiled.

The twenty-one year old version of myself would laugh at such a description and would label this experience as "pitiful" at best. Yet, here we are. Time changes you. Marriage, children and life changes your priorities. Suddenly, the mundane things become like glasses of champagne and unchartered adventures. Is there still adventure left in us? Always. But you begin to appreciate those small, missing parts of life that you find yourself longing for at 4 o clock in the afternoon. In the twelve years that my husband and I have been married, dating has always been a struggle. Between kids, work, the upkeep of the household, social responsibilities and total exhaustion, you find that you have to purposely cut out time for yourself and for each other. Many couples struggle with dating in marriage.

There is an American expression that is often used that eludes to the "honeymoon" being over, particularly after marriage. It's as if dating is only achieved while outside of commitment. Dating is needed and fascinating at any stage of a relationship. My husband and I have learned firsthand, that a key part of marriage is learning how to date someone that you've known for years. How do you date someone that you've spent over a decade with? Is dating fun after marriage? This leads to the mundane part...

We went away for a single night and it was quickly decided which led to very little planning as far as reservations and spending the day together. What I found interesting was that the more I tried to create this perfect evening for the two of us, the more stressed I became. At the eleventh hour, I was even considering staying home altogether. It's not that we don't enjoy dinner reservations, long walks through the city, or a jazz concert; I was not particularly interested in any of those things in that moment. I didn't want be around a single person besides my husband. I wanted silence. I wanted to lay in bed and talk like teenagers like we use to. I wanted to hear his laugh and my laugh. I found it comforting when I discovered that my husband wanted the same thing...a simple night away with his wife. He wanted the mundane.

Don't be afraid of becoming that boring couple you despised in your raging twenties. You will find that as you go through life together, you want the same things. Simplicity becomes your best friend. You begin to appreciate things that you once mocked. There's romance that is found within those moments together because you aren't spending your time and energy trying to convince each other of how cool you are; you're enjoying the moment together and remembering why you fell in love in the first place. What are we afraid of? Perhaps we are afraid that when we take away the kids, work, and all of the adventure we think we should be having, there will be nothing left. Knowing what it is in the middle, between you, is important in marriage.

That night, we found the most sublime pho cafe at midnight, went back to the carriage house, and enjoyed the mundane. It was romantic. It was refreshing. I came away appreciating who my husband is and craving more time doing nothing together.