I can still hear this statement being said under my breath as I sat in my car at 1 am contemplating whether or not I would return home to my husband. It was one of the many times that I had decided all on my own that the end of marriage was here. The assumption that what I was experiencing was not in the center of God's will was palpable in those moments.
I was one that once believed that if I experienced opposition, it could be a sign that what I believed to be the right decision or direction for my life based upon instructions from God, was in fact, not the right way. Understand, at a young age, I understood who my adversary was. I understood his intentions for me and for mankind itself; that much was clear. However, it seemed that I naively judged my own faith in God's will based upon how adverse my circumstances became. Unfortunately, I see this often within the body of Christ. Example:
"This is hard so it must not be God."
By the third year, I questioned everything about the very foundation of my marriage. Nothing was improving. Things seemed to get worse and I was close to giving up. Why did our passion seem ugly rather than beautiful? Why did it seem that what God had blessed me with had become a curse? It did not "feel" lovely. It did not "feel" like a good report. There was no peace. There was no joy. Once again, I faced the question of whether or not I was truly in the center of God's desire for me. Suddenly, He interjected one day and stood me right side up. I was prepared to run away. I was prepared to abandon my marriage, but God stepped into that crucial moment and He brightened the doorstep of my understanding so that I could keep going and fulfill my destiny with my husband by my side. Fast forward to now and I am still learning how to come through the narrow place of adversity in its raw form, but my past experiences not only taught me, but they prepared me to contend for bigger and greater things today.
Why am I sharing this? Because after Joseph received the coat and the dreams, he was forgotten, beaten, betrayed and slandered. Then he ruled. Before Esther saved her nation, she was taken from her home and brought into a foreign environment where she had to undergo rigorous preparation. Before Abraham could be the father of many nations, he had to contend to be a father of one. Often in our walk with Christ, we come up against unimaginable opposition. Our adversary is quite real and his antics to stop us are quite real. We receive instructions. Perhaps you received a prophetic word or prophetic understanding about your call. It could be a new venture you are meant to start and its in the early stages. Suddenly, the adversity begins to build. With the adversity comes confusion, weariness and doubt. The questions roll in...
"Did I actually hear from God? Did I miss it"?
My husband and I are the in the process of building on the mountain of media. It has been a challenging process. By the end of 2021, I arrived at a familiar impasse with all of the familiar questions. It seemed that we were being met by one shut door after the other. All of our progress that was made was uphill. The plowing was intense. And for a brief moment, I wanted to interpret this battle as failure. I wanted to interpret the level of opposition that we have faced as a sign that we had royally missed it. Friends, I am here to tell you that we often forget that after we receive the seed, the enemy makes a b line for us and attempts to mischaracterize our God. He comes quickly to steal faith for the vision God has given us. These are moments where we must be tested. These are moments when our resolve is built and fashioned into a structure that is strong and grounded. Can God trust one that gives up so easily? Can we be trusted with more if we do not contend for what He has given us? (Mark 4:15, Matthew 25:14-30)
This process is necessary for where we are going, friend. Contending for what He has said is worth the fight. If I hadn't fought for my marriage, I would have never seen the fulfillment of what is happening right now. What looked like insurmountable odds blossomed into the team that we have become. We are now contending for the media mountain and access to build something unique and necessary for our state and nation. Take a moment to remember who and what you are fighting for. Does God bring an end to things in our lives? Yes. But it does not mean that our current circumstances are happening because we have missed the boat. Our creator is much bigger than that. His managing of time is different than ours. He IS time. He IS the boundary. He IS the destiny. He has the power to respond to a yielded heart and help you decipher if you have missed the mark or overstepped His boundaries that He has for you. (Isaiah 55:8-9)
We are warriors because of the contending and we are cowards without it. Our God is a finisher. Trust the process you're in. Trust Him to complete what He started.